最近狀況一直不好
有點像焦慮時胃會隱隱不舒服那樣
情緒讓胸腹一帶持續有類似感覺
醒著每一刻都如此
怎樣也排解不了
束手無策到竟然連面質你的選項都開始考慮
indicates how desperate I am.
這是非常糟的選項
因為只有兩個可能的結果
一是鬼打牆的辯解
二是雖然你試圖切斷惡性循環
但還是會忍不住會講一些給自己台階/表面好聽但passive aggressive丟包給我的話
讓我忍不住大怒
"simply 'you tried' isn't enough to make things right/excusable"
(不然難道家暴的人只要說我已經盡量不打你了就可以了嗎
fxxking hate people making this kind of absurd argument
that doesn't even make sense)
"when I can think of plenty of ways that were definitely possible to do
and within your capability/consciousness that it wouldn't be this bad”
"your behaviors/chooices you made exhausted any possible excuse I can think of
for you"
"as someone who's highly social sensitivity as you,
it shows how minute this relationship was to you
when you neglected what's right and wrong."
"I don't know how to forgive you"
很多關於原諒的文章都在談為什麼要原諒
但覺得最容易卡關是卡在有情緒做不到
否則一直擔著怨懟的感受很辛苦
“原諒/寬恕的意義是代表自己接納了現實
並且找出能與之和平共存的生活方式”
(不等於否認對方曾經造成的傷害/做錯的事)
我想我還在決策性寬恕沒辦法達到情緒性寬恕
千百次想起仍然是那種”為什麼這樣對我”的心情
REACH model要做到還是蠻難的
Recall
Empathize
Altruistic
Commit
Hold on to it
光是只第一個recall就沒完沒了
第二個Empathize怎麼換位都覺得只有很糟的選項
(很糟就很糟也沒關係
但是你可以不要堅持假裝不糟嗎?!)
很不喜歡冥想
因為真的覺得過程超無聊
但要是再緩解不了的話可能還是得拿出來試試是否有效果
Sigh.