"好幾年前那麼年輕的我"
過了好幾年，變老了嗎？
我在社會上多滾了幾年，從菜鳥變成老鳥
從喜歡騎車衝快搶第一，到乖乖靠邊騎被買菜阿伯超車
我想，我可能也變老了。
但，有些地方，卻似乎沒變。
Time can't change everything.
Some things just don't age.
They grow.
* * *
以前，我什麼沒有，時間最多
不需要為生活煩心，沒有物質上的壓力
所以，有大把的心力，可以緬懷過去，可以花個把小時只為了雕砌一句話
是因為這樣，我才會那麼多愁善感嗎？
是因為這樣，我才一直放不下過去嗎？
Absolutely not.
忙碌的現實生活，只能讓我的肉體變得無力，卻不能改變我的心。
見過更多的世面之後，膽子變大，臉皮變厚，神經變粗，
但當某些點被觸到的時候，
我知道，
我從來沒變過。
我只是跟仙水一樣，
若有需要，便多一個樣貌，以適應不同的情境，生存下去。
* * *
我老了嗎？
Yes, and no.
I'm Pisces, there are two of us.
One ages, one doesn't.
But the truth is, being immune to age is .. sad.
No one stays with you, people are all decades away.
No one shares your memory, they are now all forgotten stories.
It's a lonely, shady world; no one knows, no one cares.
Except myself.
* * *
Now I'm in the mood, fully.
* * *
Turned on 花水月 again.
Actually it doesn't suit our case,
we've never been together, not for a second.
There is no smile for me, not as a sweet heart.
We never hand in hand, and there is no theme song for us.
Yet I like it, both the melody and lyrics,
and the world it leads me into.
Yeah I know the brutal fact,
but I still enjoy it as if we had a story.
You never know how hard this darn music can make me cry.
Now the pure music version comes to play,
and it touches me as much as the song, if not more.
Mortals age, I can't even imagine your face after these years.
My memory stays at your early 20s, and now we're at late 30s.
Doesn't matter I guess, I don't think we gonna meet again.
* * *
Am I getting old?
If I think exactly the same as twenty five years ago,
am I getting old?
That night, I was still a kid,
yet I knew,
I knew as much as I know now.
Nothig really changed since.
I wish I could really forget them, but I can't.
* * *
Alright, maybe I was not serious.
I don't really mean it, the forget part.
You don't really want to forget your love
simply because of the pain comes with it.
It's your love, not necessarily your happiness.
* * *
It's just .. too much to carry. I mean too much.
I know they will live with me for the rest of my life,
and the best I can do is..
let time blur everything.
I envy people who forget, who get effected by time.
Time is of no help to me, or even worse, time denses them.
That's why I always try to avoid touching anything about them,
pretending they don't exist.
From the second I figured out I can't get rid of the love,
I've been suppressing it, and suffering the consequence since then.
Yet,
it's the love made me who I am, taught me what I'm capable of now.
It can be ignored, can be sealed, can be blurred,
but it will always be there, for ever.
* * *
Am I getting old?
Mortals do, love doesn't.