[履歷] 英文履歷求指點

作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 14:34:48
個人學經歷背景:
國立大學研所肄業
欲應徵之職務:
國外業務
自傳履歷內容:
各位前輩們好 我是一名女性 有點資深了 年紀34歲 有工作經驗8年了
以前的工作主要是國外業務人員 累積有4年半經歷
最近正在找工作 卻投了198封履歷 卻沒有任何公司面試機會
希望可以看出哪邊有問題?
請各位前輩不另指教 給予指點 謝謝!
以下為敝人的英文自傳:(不能透露的就以AAA表示)
My name is AAA who graduates from National AAA University with the major in
AAA Administration which is related to public management, law and politics.
When I was a graduate of college, I was interested in law; therefore, I
passed the entrance exam to be a graduate school student whose major is AAA
law. However after a period of time, I chose to pursue the working career.
When I stepped forward to the society, I became the international trader at
AAA Corp. whose product was medical equipment.
At that time, I learned a lot from my colleagues about building the essential
working attitudes and cultivating basic skills.
I dealt with the shipping documents for making the product's delivery more
efficient and more smooth.
With the first job's base, I turned to AAA Technology to work as an
international sales specialist for selling the cameras to Europe.
I had been to England, France, Germany, Belgium, Ireland, and the Netherlands
on my own with business trips from which I got big deals and great fruitful
business developments for our company.
Afterwards, I made a decision to transfer my job to a traditional company
whose field is knitting cap and whose customer is Nike.
I supervised all the sales sample, proto, production sample and bulk for
their production processes.
Then I change to work as a waitress at the Chinese Cuisine Restaurant, AAA
Kitchen around two years. I learned how to fulfill every consumer's needs.
The recent jobs are :
(1)International trader at AAA Corp.(Chemical Co.)
To make the shipping processes and book the cargo space.
(2)Operator at AAA Hotel.(5-star Hotel)
To put through the phone calls directly to the exact department and the room
guests and also get the know-how about the Opera system for keying in the
booking info.
I believe that I can do my best for your company and make mutual progresses
for your business.
作者: gbcowandy (爪爪哥)   2015-07-01 15:55:00
....你先分段排版吧,這樣誰要看啊
作者: rebeccaday (rebecca)   2015-07-01 16:28:00
kind advice.
作者: Jarlan (11號的天空)   2015-07-01 16:35:00
kind advice (advice不可數
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 17:14:00
作者: aailoveyou (美好的未來等著我)   2015-07-01 17:47:00
滿好奇為何你一畢業就可以當業務 ,第一家是大公司嗎
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 18:07:00
當時公司是想找有法律背景的人因為必須跟醫療法律事務所聯繫公司是中型的50人 但在那個行業是龍頭我有修外文系的西洋文學概論 拿96分 有寫在履歷
作者: rebeccaday (rebecca)   2015-07-01 18:12:00
我相信比起kindly advice,kind advice肯定比較常見不過原po覺得自己沒錯就算了。另advice不可數。
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 18:14:00
advice不可數 但是當作all kinds of advices時以種類的意思 是可以加s的
作者: es161   2015-07-01 18:24:00
你這堆東西應用條列式寫出重點就好.公司職位職責然後再加cover letter.要寫你有什麼特質和能力去得到新工作
作者: NVK (The Old Boy)   2015-07-01 18:27:00
在國貿版看過原PO的發文歷程 我覺得你值得更好的處境能說的就是請多點耐心。 另外,Sara的回文意見不錯可參考
作者: es161   2015-07-01 18:28:00
以你目前寫法,很難看出你有什麼能力.
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 18:28:00
我正在找好工作 希望大家介紹!
作者: melodyrabbit (melody)   2015-07-01 18:59:00
應徵業務最重要的是數字:妳拿到多少錢的訂單?還有面試的時侯最好掰個理由:為何中間轉服務業,以及妳最後選擇重操舊業的原因我覺得原 po做回國外業務非常適合,只是面試會被問到的問題要先演練一下。包裝自己,薪水開個3萬8也不為過。加油!
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 19:18:00
加油!感恩樓上^^
作者: sky2001 (自由的意義)   2015-07-01 19:27:00
對自己英文這麼有自信就不用求指教英文了吧很明顯這則自傳轉成中文是毫無重點(對有8年經驗的人)真要評論英文遣詞用字 有好幾處都看得出來是中文硬轉我就點到為止了
作者: dosandonts (Catalano is A+)   2015-07-01 19:33:00
樓上說的是 確實我是中文硬轉的剛才某樓上說要條列式和先近後遠 我就在改履歷了這篇就廢棄不用了
作者: patrick11108 (PPa)   2015-07-01 20:18:00
文法不要大錯即可,像kindly advice和kind advice對妳的履歷影響根本不大。重要的是妳英文履歷所描述的跟一般人不多,沒啥亮點,這才是問題。
作者: thunderclap (蛤)   2015-07-01 20:19:00
老外根本覺得kind這兩個詞用這超怪 是亞州人積非成是
作者: sinqer (啊~~扣~~)   2015-07-01 20:59:00
....你前幾週不是說要往設計去?
作者: taiwan32603 (jason)   2015-07-01 21:18:00
一直用which who whose 當連接詞看起來好累,不能省略一下嗎而且第一句My name 跟 who graduate 用在一起感覺不太順吧...who當連接詞在文章比較常用來敘述第三人稱吧
作者: lazycowbay (輕鬆過生活~)   2015-07-01 21:45:00
重點不是英文 是你的經歷 8年經驗卻還投198封履歷感覺你自己都還沒有找到自己的定位 好好想想吧
作者: doris1016 (~DoR!$~)   2015-07-01 22:31:00
你的第一句就太長了 太多關代…
作者: gotta (5566)   2015-07-01 22:34:00
要不要看看專業resume 怎麼寫,履歷是看你做過的事,成就的事,而非寫個人傳記。條例式就好, 不需要寫文章。
作者: pisser (溺者)   2015-07-02 00:24:00
真心建議,英文履歷不要寫文章,就是學經歷英文就好,自傳就面試講就好,所以要大概準備一兩分鐘自我介紹。另外,個人覺得,與其寫長句,不如把一些有which, that的句子都寫成短句。
作者: VEcho (哲朗並不喜歡黑色。)   2015-07-02 00:27:00
關代好多…真心覺得要改掉這些累贅用法
作者: pisser (溺者)   2015-07-02 00:31:00
例如第一句,My name is AAA, i majored in Zzz when i was in college. it is a study of public management and law. 之類的
作者: VEcho (哲朗並不喜歡黑色。)   2015-07-02 00:34:00
回頭看了您的文章,您過去這麼多年真的是國外業務嗎?會使用英文信件往來嗎?
作者: george31708 (衝阿~~~)   2015-07-02 01:18:00
通順最重要,重寫吧
作者: ssiidd (sid)   2015-07-02 01:41:00
除了文法,整篇重點只有兩段,真的寫不好再站內信問我吧
作者: NVK (The Old Boy)   2015-07-02 02:24:00
國外業務的信件往來? 或許原po自傳有改寫必要 但從自傳去質疑原po國外業務的回信經驗與能力? 我只能說 不僅無關 而且無知
作者: yeh10jp   2015-07-02 07:09:00
先Google妳的產業的sample resume再照著改吧
作者: criesinvain (哪裡能買ELMO)   2015-07-02 07:32:00
加油

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