Text Messages to Gregg Popovich From a Spurs Fan: A Shark Ate All the Babies
一個馬刺迷與 Pop 的簡訊閒聊: 大白鯊吃掉我所有小孩
By Shea Serrano (波士頓體育寫手，作品散見於 XXL, MTV, Vice, Complex等雜誌)
on September 19, 2013 3:00 PM ET
Gregg Popovich is a human with a cell phone, so I sent him some text messages.
Gregg Popovich 此人有手機，故我閒來給他捎了個簡訊問侯...
Me: Pop-a-doc!
Pop: oh no
Me: oh come now. I’ve not talked to you in so long.
Pop: not an accident
Me: you didn’t miss just a tiny amount? Not even thismuch
Pop: I did.
Me: : )
Pop: I missed you like how a stab victim misses being stabbed
Me: that’s not that nice of you to say
Pop: Sorry. I actually did think about you though
Me: YOU DID!
Pop: Yes. I was reminded of you.
Me: OH MY GOD I KNEW IT I KNEW IT BEHIND THAT COFFEE CAKE STONE FACE IS A
BEAUTIFUL HUMAN
Pop: I was at the grocery store and I saw a dirty fat hobo and so then I was
like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: :/
Pop: I was getting out of my car and I slammed the door on my hand and so
then I was like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: dude
Pop: I was shooting around at practice one day and I jumped and then came
down and severely sprained both my ankles at the same time and so then I was
like, “I wonder what Shea is up to?”
Me: I GET IT OK I HAVE FEELINGS U KNOW
Pop: I was on vacation with my family and we were out boating and we hit a
wave and everyone fell out of the boat and drowned except for me and as I lay
there crying a great white shark came and ate the limbs off all the babies
and so then I was like, “I wonder what Shea is up?”
[No response.]
Pop: thanks for checking on me
我：帕ㄆ博士!
Pop：噢不
我：幹麻醬，好久沒跟你聊天了
Pop：這不是意外啊
我：你敢說你沒有一點點想我? 不用多，一咪咪有吧?
Pop：我想啊
我： : )
Pop：像被捅一刀的人懷念被捅的滋味，那樣的想你
我：講話有必要醬難聽嗎
Pop：抱歉，其實偶爾我是會想起你
我：真的！
Pop：在一些特別的情境下，我就會賭物思人想到你
我：天哪真的嗎嗎我知道我就知道你這個愛結死臉的可人兒！！！
Pop：那天我在雜貨店看到的一個又胖又髒的流浪工人(hobo)，於是我想：
「不知道 Shea 現在在幹麻？」
我： :/
Pop：我下車關門，不小心夾到手痛得要死，這時我就想到了，「不知道 Shea 在幹
嘛？」
我：老兄
Pop：有天練投，我一跳之下，我兩個腳踝同時扭傷，還扭得不輕，於是我想「不曉得
Shea 在幹啥？」
我：夠了我懂了你醬講很傷人你知道
Pop：我跟家人出海渡假，結果遇到一個大浪，除了我家人都被打下船，在海裏快溺死
了，我正大哭時，一條大白鯊血盆大口一張把孩子們的四肢都給咬斷了，這時我不禁
想，「不知道 Shea 在幹啥呢？」
[沒有回應]
Pop：謝謝你問侯啊