戴爾美語練功坊 中級英檢作文賞析 (11/30)
中級英檢作文賞析
撰寫記敘文最困難處在於情節安排, 不論寫任何經歷, 開心的, 害怕的,
悲慘的, 難忘的, 若沒有吸引人的情節, 整篇文章就像流水帳, 即使拼字
文法無誤, 分數也只能差強人意.
撰寫記敘文有幾項原則, 第一, 撰寫前先擬出情節大綱. 內容或許未必屬實,
但過程的堆疊必須精彩, 引人入勝, 並且一定要有故事的高潮, 否則會令人
"看不出重點." 第二, 只寫劇情精彩處. 一篇文章約十三,四個句子,
若非重要訊息, 可直接省略. 若寫一天的經歷, 二十四小時不可能用十幾個
句子交待完, 更遑論描寫求學過程之類的大範圍文章, 所以只寫與主題極為
相關的過程, 有捨才有得. 第三, 避免句式重複. 因為是繞著主角來寫一段
時間內發生的事, 很容易變成全篇同主詞, 句式相同, 若要避免重複的句式,
可多利用分詞構句, 讓文章讀起來句型豐富, 節奏流暢. 第四, 描寫事情的
過程, 不要只限於視覺感觀的描述, 例如聲音, 味道, 觸覺, 都可以細細描寫,
給的細節訊息越完整, 讀者越能身歷其境. 第五, 修辭技巧是高分關鍵.
修辭可由多方切入, 詞類可盡量豐富, 除了形容詞與副詞外, 介係詞片語的
使用若能純熟, 常常讓文章看起來更高竿.
以下引用台南校陳同學的文章演繹記敘文的寫法
提示: 請寫一篇日記描述不愉快的一天,文中要提到原因,過程,以及事後的感想.
Waking up in the sound of the raindrops beating against
the windowpanes, I knew it would be a hard day for me. I turned over
and got out of my bed, hoping everything that I feared of was not
going to happen.
[首段原有四個句子, 作者用了兩次分詞構句 waking up in the sound…
以及 hoping everything that…, 讓四個句子, 變成精簡的兩句. 另外,
第一句中還有分詞的使用, raindrops beating against the windowpanes,
不但在句型上有後位修飾, 在聽覺感受上, 也讓讀者仿佛親臨當時的情境.]
Fifteen minutes later, I stood under the eaves of my house, watching
the rain pouring down(後句為分詞構句). I stepped forward into the rain
and headed for the school. On my way to school, my umbrella didn't
work at all, so that the rain kept attacking me from all directions
(此句為因果句, 當中雨滴從四面八方攻擊是十分生動地描寫). With the
gale wind blowing, this rain was a destructive storm for me(用介係詞
片語寫風勢, 為困難的處境再添一筆). Eventually, I got to my classroom
with my clothes and schoolbag soaked, especially my wet shoes and
socks that I hated the most, and then I found myself ten minutes late.
What was worse, I opened my schoolbag, and then a puddle of water
came into sight. (此處有情節的堆疊, 先是衣服書包全溼, 再由鞋襪浸水
加深厭煩的程度, 再以書包內的積水堆疊至高潮)Water in my bag? I was
freaked out. I thought I protected my schoolbag well, but somehow
the water drops could still sneak into it. I felt like crying and screaming,
but I restrained my urges.(此處有精彩的心情描述, 有動詞freaked out,
felt like crying and screaming 以及名詞的urges). I pulled out
everything in my bag as fast as I could. They were dripping water and
my heart was broken. The victims included my books, pencil case,
breakfast, diary and homework. Basically, everything in my bag was
damaged(此處充滿節奏感, victims一字更把書本等物品擬人化,
讓文章更生動).
Today, I endured my feet soaked in wet shoes, an empty stomach, and
an extremely low grade. I even dried those books one by one with a
hair dryer. (簡單的summary道盡一天的悲慘). No doubt, today was
ruined. I promised I would put on a raincoat next time. I am not going
to suffer this ever again.(最後用給自己的提醒與叮嚀結束全文).
本篇文章是一篇非常成功的記敘文, 作者對動作, 物品, 事件, 心情的描寫
都很生動, 雖然有238字, 卻讀起來一點都不冗長, 反而引起讀者的興趣,
令人想探究是否還有更慘的事情發生, 值得參考.