now that i have admitted the mistake i made,
which quite lowered my self esteem ,
i need to live a more disciplined life to
boost it before it's too late.
I never thought this day would come when
i could totally lose control of myself.
At the time it was happening, i was completely
unaware of it until in retrospect, and only then
did i realize how ridiculous and unreal it was.
it's not a life or death mistake,
but a huge loss resulting from an ingrained addiction
lasting more than fifteen years long.