It's so tired to me.
It's not funny anymore and I didn't have the energy to fake it.
Laughing at jokes I heard or knowing when people were kidding didn't do it for me.
Not at all.
Again, my dad always had the joke.
So I finally had to come to a realization.
I've never been a fan of the holidays, or birthdays or any holiday really.
I've always struggled with gifts and getting gifts and remembering birthdays.
Part of this is due to the fact that no one really has ever bothered to remember them.
I remember my parents telling me about it being my grandma's birthday and the family gathering and all that but I never heard from my mom about it.
If my grandma was on my dad's side, then my dad's family would celebrate his birthday on the first.
But he was an only child.
So the birthday always landed on the first.
His sister's were 2 and 4 years older than him.
As for my mother's side, we would celebrate the birthday on the Saturday before with my mom's family.
When we were little, we thought we were so special that we got to celebrate with Nana, Grammy and Poppy.
To a kid, that was the coolest.
Now that I am a mother, there are still holidays where I struggle to be anything but blue.